The past few days have been the worst fucking days in my entire life. Everyone keeps congratulating me on my new job, but I have no money to move, my car got repo’d, I don’t even have a place to live when I move yet, and literally I have $120 in my bank account. I feel like I better understand now how people in excessive debt become suicidal. I have a job waiting for me, but no bill collector cares about that. They just want their money, stat. I’m stuck in this weird limbo period where I’m expecting money but I just don’t have it yet. I don’t even know if I can afford gas money to make the drive up there to move. This has been so fucking stressful and it won’t stop being stressful until I get my first paycheck. Fuck being unemployed. Fuck the campaign. Knowing what I know now, about how difficult it would be afterwards, I’m not sure I would have done it. If you had been able to describe how the months after the campaign would be for me before I signed on, I might have hesitated a little bit. 

5 things you probably didn’t know about me.

1. i am terrified of eating raw meat. for this reason i will never order anything besides a steak well done, and i pretty much cook my meat to death. when i’m cooking it, i check it at least 5 times to make sure there’s no pink.

2. i regularly have nightmares about my teeth crumbling. it’s becoming a problem…

3. i believe that kanye west is one of the most prolific lyricists in modern rap/hip hop. everyone thinks he’s a douchebag, but it’s irrelevant. he is a lyrical genius.

4. my grandpa owned and maintained an entire greenhouse in his day, and my dad is amazing at caring for plants. they are everywhere in his home. this is sadly a skill i did not inherit. some of my plants are fake with real dirt for the effect. :(

5. my skin is really sensitive and i scar really easily. even a cat scratch will leave a scar. the most prominent on me are the ones on my face from when i was bit by a dog, the one on my chin from bashing it into a sink and chipping the bone, and the one under my knee from falling on stage during graduation practice senior year of high school. 

bonus: i have a birthmark just below the center of my collarbone that i have never, ever seen on another person in my entire life, except for one: tamera mowry from sister, sister. even her twin doesn’t have a matching one. weird.

My job interview went really well!

It was almost an hour and a half long! And that’s even after having a phone interview that lasted over an hour awhile back. By the end we were comparing municipal community culture & how it shapes economic policy/funding, discussing housing options for me, and going back and forth on what there is to do in town, and discussing tangential duties for the job based on what my experience is- that is to say, asking if i’d be comfortable doing things not neccesarily a major part of the job, but could be used to improve the office.

they said that once they make (if they make) the offer, they’d want me to start super soon. like in a few weeks. to be honest i’m pretty sure they’re going to make an offer.

….but i have another job interview (phone) on monday for a paid internship in D.C. this is kind of a nice/confusing place to be. with options for god sake.

anyway after the interview i went back to the motel and rested a bit, and then i went to lake tahoe! i spent the majority of the afternoon wandering around the south side in california. it was so relaxing. i can’t even articulate how gorgeous the area is. and it’s so close to where i’d be living. so, instead i will share some photos next. now all i have to do is really 100% convince husband to move with me. whew. couldn’t have planned today better.

I should probably start packing now.

I’m driving 8 hours away for a job interview on Friday. Leaving tomorrow morning, staying the night, interviewing, and then driving my ass back to Vegas. Sigh. I’m trying to be positive because this is an exciting step buttttt I’ve never driven that far by myself. :/ 

On the plus side:

• Bought snacks for the trip at Trader Joes
• I’m going to drive through California’s state parks so the drive will be prettier & more enjoyable
• Maybe I’ll visit Lake Tahoe which is pretty famous for being a pretty lake or something?
• That’s it?

I miss grandma jazzy so, so fucking much. I am blessed to have known her as long as I did but I just don’t feel the same. Something inside me has changed now that she has died. I don’t know if anyone else experiences this or not.

I just want to stop and appreciate right now.

Right now, I am sitting in our small kitchen sipping pop out of my mug from Aunt Martha. Freddy sits across from me, at our tiny little table just barely big enough for two, watching Prison Break with his headphones in. We have propped the kitchen window open, unscrewing the safety lock and sliding it to be parallel with the other. And a really nice, calm, lukewarm breeze is blowing in past us filling the kitchen with fresh air. Clean laundry hangs on the fence, air drying in all it’s glory. My other clean, dry laundry sits next to my feet waiting to be folded. The sun shines but it is not too hot yet, just warm enough to comfort your bare feet when you go out to check the mailbox. There are no dishes to be washed, and the coffeepot has been turned off though the scent of sweet grinds are still wafting through the room. I have paid my car insurance, credit card, and hulu account bill and feel much better about having taken care of it. I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate the stillness and the peace of this moment. I want to appreciate the silence and the calmness and the serenity of just being here right now.